Raphael last words to Simon are “Take care of yourself baby, try not to ruin my other jackets, i will miss you, te amo”. He says it with a smile trying to hide his tears. Simon watch him leave, whispering that he was never a monster to him and crying until he is not able to breath anymore. After this day Simon just stay in bed hugging one of Raphael’s jacket to feel like he is still with him. Everybody is worried because he doesn’t eat and refuses to talk to people even Clary. He just can’t imagine a world without raphael, how can he lives without his boyfriend, without is sassy but so caring boyfriend ? He doesn’t know what he is going do next so he just stay in there thinking of all the time Raphael saved him. He try to stay strong for everybody, he fakes getting better hoping for it to be real one day but weeks pass and nothing changes. Then someone says Raphael’s name and he has a breakdown. Clary hugs him all night telling him it will be ok. He blames himself because he thinks nothing would’ve happened to Raph if he didn’t leave that night and he even thinks that Raphael would still be alive if they didn’t meet. And that’s how Simon got to live the rest of his life, carrying the guilty that the love of his life died because of him.